Progress Report: The Two-Step Rule

At the conclusion of "Martyrdom or Vengeance" we discussed the "Two-Step Rule" and how it applies to children as well as adults. I've been using it for several months to teach the children (and myself) how to resolve conflicts biblically. As with any training, it isn't easy, because you're "going against the grain", but yesterday I was encouraged twice as I watched my little ones follow this model:

Every Sunday morning, as my husband and I enjoy our coffee, I always fix the girls some Ovaltine in their special sippy cups. Joanna (5) takes her time and usually ends up "saving" some of her chocolate milk in the fridge, while Felicity (3) downs hers in about 3 minutes flat. (Hmm, I wonder where she gets her impulsiveness?)

Anyway, this morning when "Issy" found Joanna's half-filled cup abandoned, she naturally thought big sister was finished and it was all hers! But big sister didn't agree.

Next thing I knew, there was a hot pursuit down the hall and, as I stepped out of my bedroom, Felicity dove into her bed to hide from Joanna, who was approaching the door and about to have a melt-down. Quietly, I reminded, "two-step rule". That's all I said.

You can't imagine my feelings as I watched my eldest daughter take a deep breath, square her shoulders, and enter the room where her younger sister sat defiant. "Felicity," her voice was calm and even, "may I please have my Ovaltine back?"

Almost instantaneously, the defiance gave way to a grin, "Sure, Joanna!" Issy replied happily, and handed the cup to her sister, who thanked her politely and started to walk away. Suddenly, and with no prompting from Mom, Felicity slid out of bed and ran to her, "Joanna," the tone was humble, "I'm sorry I took your Ovaltine."

In the blink of an eye, they were best friends again, without me having to fuss at either one of them! And, a few minutes later, I watched unnoticed as Joanna gave the last drink of Ovaltine to her little sister. Can you imagine how hard it was to restrain the tears?

That afternoon, I was in for an even bigger surprise. While the girls were playing outside, Felicity came running in the house, grabbed a piece of paper and a crayon, then approached me. "Mama" she requested sadly, "will you draw a frowny face?"

As I drew the requested object, I asked why she wanted a frowny face. "Because" she stated simply, "Joanna wouldn't swing with me, so I wanted to show her my frowny face."

 Before her words had time to register, she was out the door, paper in hand. While I didn't actually hear their conversation, Issy was back less than a minute later, "Mama! Will you draw me a smiley face? Joanna said she would swing with me!" You can believe I was more than happy to oblige!

Although I did not teach Felicity to use frowny/smiley faces in this way, still it shows that she is learning to resolve conflicts without anger. This is huge for her!

As I reflect on the day, I realize that we're still going to struggle in this area. I'm not deluding myself by thinking that it's been conquered once and for all; but a glimpse of progress is sometimes the best  encouragement imaginable. I can't think of anything that would give me more joy than seeing these little ones following the concepts I've given them; knowing it will affect the rest of their lives...


***If you missed the original article on The "Two-Step Rule", you can find it by clicking this link:

Martyrdom or Vengeance? part-4