Wednesday, November 2, 2011

When There's Nothing Else to Say...

Almost two years ago I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts. I should have known better. Despite all my attempts in my youth, I was never able to keep a journal for more than 3 days at a time, so I guess this wildly-sporadic blog has been a vast improvement, but I think it's time to say "goodbye."

I have used this blog to share my thoughts, voice my opinions, and chronicle events in my life-- but the harder I try, the less I have to say. Not that I'm at a loss for words; but I'm increasingly convicted of how meaningless my words are. 

Words are easy... and they're cheap.

To be perfectly honest, my life does not back up the words I say. While I may have great ideas regarding child-training, I am not consistent in my parenting. I have strong convictions regarding doctrinal issues, but I sadly lack self-discipline in almost every area of my life. And though I have no qualms about giving advice, I do not have the humility to receive it from others. 
Loathing, as I do, the hypocrisy in my life; and desiring, above all, to be an unashamed witness for my Lord, I beg your prayers, that I would be fully conformed to the image of Christ. He bore unspeakable agony for my soul, and yet I balk and complain about tiny crosses in my life. In desperation, I pray...

Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. 
I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, 
and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. 
I come trembling, but I do come. 
Please root from my heart all Those things which I have cherished so long 
and which have become a very part of my living self, 
so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. 
Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. 
Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it,
for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
~A.W. Tozer (The Pursuit of God)